there have been a couple issues in my life lately that i am learning to not only overcome but realizing that they may be a way of life. scratch that... only one of them. the other is well.. something i need to work with and figure out.. more of a trial and error issue.
so for the super personal omg embarassing issue: my birth control makes me crazy. has anyone else ever had this problem?!?! i took the same one back in high school because unfortunately i've always been plagued with insanely irregular cycles (i'm talkin month long periods, then going for three months without). when i was in high school i did have some crazy tendencies but i blamed my issues on teenaged hormones and my boyfriend. ha! so i finally started taking it again about five months ago. the past couple weeks i've really been researching the issue online and thinking back to when i started acting/feeling different and everything is adding up! bouts of depression, not being able to control my mood at times, having crazy panic attacks at work to the point where i feel as though i can't handle life anymore and i have to leave my classroom to catch some air and sometimes completely melt down in the break room. it is BAD. i act like a crazy person toward my boyfriend, my family, my students. i mean i'm not all psycho all the time, but i used to be the type of girl that yeah, had her couple days of PMS and then got over it, rarely cried (i mean it took a LOT) and when i felt upset, i could turn it into something positive and calm myself down. but the past five months i'm different. i cry on demand (EMBARASSING!!!!!), i can't kick the negative thoughts/feelings even when i try my hardest and i just can't take it anymore. after researching i found that a lot of women have the same issue. so i e-mailed my doctor and she's giving me one with a low hormone dosage so hopefully i won't be all over the place. but it's something only time will tell... and yes, it's embarassing to me.
whew okay, now that i've gotten THAT off of my chest, sorry men, haha - my OTHER issue is that the world of being a personal trainer is MUCH different than the world of being a teacher. (NEWS FLASH!) hahaha... as if that's not an very obvious observation, it's taking more flexibility, patience and learning from me than i really thought of when i decided i wanted to be a trainer. yes, i fell into the "but it's what i love to do, why would it be hard" trap. haha... now i'm ready to work my ass off (figuratively, of course - i worked hard for this thing!) to be the most successful trainer i can be. so i was mid-post when i got the call that they were going to offer me the job at 24hr fitness in vista, i had gone to two interviews and i was told i'd get a call back the next day both times and it took them more than just the next day to call me - the first time i was discouraged, the second time i realized, that's how it works - ha!! so as of right now, i've accepted the job, i don't have too many details but you all know what goes on there. i'm excited, i'm scared, i'm nervous, annnnnnd i can't wait to be the top trainer ;)
definitely not in kansas anymore toto... a much different life awaits and change can be scary, but it's a great thing! so now it's late and i have a trip to NORCAL in a few hours with nothing packed (as usual). so it's clothes in the dryer, alarm set, and bed time for this girl. night!
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