let's talk marriage...

marriage.  we all know it isn't easy.  you go into it telling yourself, "this isn't going to be a walk in the park, you have to work for it, when things get tough, you fight thru it, you don't give up just because things aren't easy..." but what you don't factor in is, quitting your job, giving up a potential career, leaving your family, your friends, everything you've known and worked for for 28 years to be alone in a different state.  alone.  isn't marriage something you do together?  not in this life.  at least not yet.  you feel lost, confused and when things in your marriage get tough, it's hard to sort them out when you're never around each other.

today is our two year wedding anniversary. when i first found out jasper was deploying, i didn't really think much of us not being together.  however the last few days, as it has been rapidly approaching, i have been a mess.  i.am.so.sad.  am i sad that we're not together to celebrate? maybe not so much.  i think i'm sad because i just want to do normal things.  i want to wake up to my husband so annoyingly getting ready in the bathroom and making the light shine into my grouchy, squinty eyes.  i want to go downstairs after he's left for PT to find the breakfast he made for me in the microwave and my coffee poured.  i want to give him a back rub after a long day at work.  i want to hold his hand. i want to pack his lunch, or deliver him things at work that he always seems to forget.  i want to look him in the eyes and tell him i forgive him for things that have happened and tell him we can accomplish and get through anything together.  because two years ago, we agreed to be a team, no matter what, and fight through the rough patches. and as bad as it sucks, this deployment has made our communication levels rise, and made our marriage stronger.

when i met jasper, as much as i was in denial, i knew he was the one.  it probably explains the rapid marriage, moving, etc.  i don't think i've felt like more of an emotional mess in my life than i have the last two years.  while two years of marriage is more like six months to us, i wouldn't trade it for anything.  this is the plan that God has for us.  and if it means i have to wait another two years to celebrate our "one year anniversary" then i will.  as bad as it sucks and as hard as it is, i love you, Jasper Rankin. 'till infinity and beyond. <3 <3 <3