how panda express changed my life. [part 2].

so now, i would like to talk about the most difficult part of this entire journey. i'm sure many of you that are my facebook friends have been wondering things for a few months now, i feel like now is the time to talk about it all, get it off my chest, and open up to the world a bit.

the most difficult part of this journey was not trying to eat right, trying to exercise more, trying to drink enough water, or even trying to get enough sleep. the most difficult part of this entire 5 month life change has been the emotional roller coaster that turned my entire life upside-down. what no one realizes, until they have gone on a journey like this, is that it doesn't only change the way you look, but it changes the way you feel. i gained confidence i had been lacking for lifetimes. i finally started feeling as though i could let jenna be jenna and not have to always work so hard to impress other people. i found myself doing me, and with that came some heartache. carlos and i decided in november not to get married. we mutually agreed upon it. we knew that we had two different goals in life and that we had been avoiding the issue for years. it was honestly the toughest decision i had to personally make in my entire life. i love carlos. i will ALWAYS love carlos. he is the most amazing guy and would do anything for me and i could definitely say the same for myself when it comes to him. we just began drifting apart. i could not put my finger on why things were not the same between us, and then i started realizing that maybe it was just the fact that we weren't fully compatible to be in a marriage together. my heart is completely broken over the entire idea. we are still very close friends. we will always be very close friends. he truly means the world to me and i know deep down in my heart underneath all the hurt and pain that we made the right decision.

so yes, you may have been keeping up with my physical transformation via facebook and blogposts, but there was definitely a deep emotional transformation i have been going through as well. it's not easy to change your life, but it's worth it, especially when you realize you are coming out of it a better person.