day [five]

on the fifth day of the 12 days of Christmas challenge/FIRM UP THE FLAB...

i had a beautiful day. i woke up and ate some more proatmeal. then i got ready and headed up to temecula with my sister and nephew. i was lucky enough to spend the majority of my day with my brother, his gf, my nephew and my sister. i love those poeple. i ABSOLUTELY love them. no matter what, they all hold a place in my life to make it what it is and that's why we're family. <3

we all went to lunch at wahoo's. yum yum. i got the wahoo's salad. it had spicy chicken breast, guacamole, cheese, tortilla strips, and LETTUCE. enough lettuce to properly constitute it as a salad. win. it was delicious. then we headed over to starbucks so that laura could go meet with her new school (Paul Mitchell, yay!). i had my usual iced coffee and a water. then we all walked around target for a while.

once laura was finished, i dropped everyone off at ant's and went to the gym. i arrived with no game plan but it quickly turned into a mini back/biceps session. i warmed up on the treadmill, then did assisted pullups, seated rows, TRX rows, and hammer curls. after that i went over to my long lost friend, the STAIRCLIMBER. it's a love/hate relationship. and did 10mins of interval training on it. it was beautiful. :D after i left i stopped at 7/11 for gas, a protein shake, and some water. then i picked laura up and came home.

the remainder of my day consisted of dealing with some issues i have with myself. ha.. if you just wanted a positive post, you should stop reading here. this is where things start to get personal...

my entire life i've dealt with issues of feeling wanted, getting attention, and being good enough. but what is "good enough"? i mean i went through some HUGE life changes in the past year and a half. but when it comes to dating and relationships, what has changed for me? yes, i get more attention than i did before, i probably am more outgoing and open and honest with guys i have dated. but i'm so scared all the time. i'm scared to let someone into my life and then get hurt. what ends up happening? i end up doing the hurting and it makes me feel awful. :( i'm just trying to figure out why it is so hard for me to let go and just dive in. i want to. i want to love someone with my whole heart. and i want to be loved in return. i don't want to continue to hurt people because my mind and heart freak out and shut down. i have a "heart of stone" according to some people and that's just not something i want to be known for. lots to consider, lots to think about, lots to work on.

friday was overall a good day. cheers to the weekend.